strangeness & charm.

Does this agony ever end?

I can fit into my favorite old jeans again! They’re 00S’s, but I have lyrics written on them and paint splattered and they just make me so happy and are super comfortable. I remember wearing these babies on the first day of seventh grade. Man, it’s been a long time.

Earth who gives to us our food

Sun who makes it ripe and good

Dearest earth and dearest sun

Joy and love for all you’ve done

try and stop me

try and save me

i want to fall.

OH MY GOD

I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY STRONG FEELINGS

SCARY STRONG FEELINGS I’VE HAD FOR A YEAR AND A HALF

I CARE FOR YOU

I’M PRETTY SURE I LOVE YOU

STOP DATING OTHER GIRLS

YOU ARE INDIRECTLY RUINING MY LIFE

(the end.)

I got my ring today, and it’s absolutely beautiful, but when I tried it on it was far too big. I was definitely worried a 6 would be too tight when I sized my finger earlier this year, but apparently I was wrong. I informed the man giving them out of this and he said, “Woah. That’s a drastic change. Have you lost weight this year? I’ll tell you what, just send it in, and we’ll resize it for free.”

It then hit me after I left: Shit, I’ve lost ten pounds since the beginning of the school year.

My life is a perpetual “uggghhh” moment.

First off, Hawaii was incredible. Need I say more? Not really.

I learned a bunch of new songs on the guitar, including Breakeven, since the lyrics have meant a lot to me lately. I hope to record myself when I get better at playing so I can finally make a Soundcloud. I’ve been wanting to for over a year now. 

Spring is in the air, it’s warm, I went on the trampoline this evening, the frogs are singing, and my windows are open. I’m feeling ready to clean and organize my room. I talked to Lucy a while back about her helping me organize my room, and now I just really need some free time so I can do that. I’m ready to finally be able to organize my room and my closet. 

I’m scared I’m going to fail Algebra 2. I’m spending all this time on an extra credit test that won’t even bring my grade up that much, especially since I’ll get a lot wrong. I just feel so hopelessly stupid.

I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. I’ve dreamt of him multiple times each night for all of break.

I’m getting a little nervous about henna-dying my hair, but I’ve wanted to do this forever, so I think I’m gonna make it happen sometime soon.

Class rings are coming this month. I hope mine came out well.

My face is clearing up and I’m tan! That makes me really happy.

I got accepted into the Fourth Estate and I might have found a job to help pay for things. I really hope I make the money in time. I have to start paying on Monday. 

My creative block is killing me. I really want to write and draw and paint again. I’m gathering art magazines and such and trying to get inspired. I hope the creative juices haven’t gotten sucked out of me. I really want to get them flowing again.

School starts tomorrow. (shoot me)

You have a most beautiful way of slipping your hand into mine. You have a way of sweeping me off my feet in a way I was so convinced that no one ever could. You always prove what I thought about my heart to be untrue. You make my heart pound and stomach flutter and smile appear instantaneously
and just the thought of your embrace heals my aching body waiting to be touched.

I walk into the classroom at 7:05 AM. She looks up and asks me in French, “Ça va?”
“Oui, ça va bien.”
She gives me a look and goes back to her work.
She knows I’m lying.
She knows I’ve been lying this entire year.

Nobody likes me.