strangeness & charm.

I love my French teacher so much. She’s actually the most amazing person in the whole world. She’s intelligent and funny and kind and caring and generous and sympathetic and thoughtful and just overall wonderful. So many other people make me feel bad about myself, but I never feel like that when she’s around. She always does whatever she can to boost my confidence and just make me feel happy. In just one review session for AP exams today, she made me feel so much better and less stressed and more confident and gave me a hug and told me that me being able to stay with her another year to take French 6 would make her happy for the entire weekend. I’ve never admired or loved a person this much before, I don’t think. I’d give anything to be as super awesome and cool as this lady. She’s up there with Florence Welch, man. I would say that I wish there were more people like her, but then again, just the rare experience of knowing someone like her is what makes her special.

I’m so freaking pumped for another year of studying French. Nothing could make me happier.

Here’s proof:

We are starting our unit on A Midsummer Night’s Dream in English, and one of the major themes is dreams and illusions, so we were looking at optical illusions. And whenever an image came up where people would see one image and then another, but some people would see the other image first, I didn’t even see either first. I saw an image that was completely different from everyone else. My teacher was talking about a little bit of the psychology behind people seeing the second image first, so that left me wondering, what does it mean if I don’t see either, but something else instead? I’m curious. 

“It wasn’t so much that I was taught these things as I just understood from, literally, feeling my soul. For me, religious ideas began to make sense. I started to look at the overlapping, continuous beliefs and teachings that spanned through all of the religions, not just the one I was raised in. I began to see how my faith taught me to personify a lot of ideas so that they were more easily accessible and understandable for me. I also saw that that method didn’t resonate with me as much as another could.”

Oh my gosh. Perfectly explained. I wish I could find words to describe things like this on my own.

सर्वेभवन्तुसुखिन:
सर्वेसन्तुनिरामया:।
सर्वेभद्राणिपश्यन्तु।
माकश्चित्दु:खभागभवेत्।।

“I don’t see what the problem is anymore, the word has a whole new usage and definition, it’s not even offensive. It’s just to call things stupid.”

Excuse me, are you missing the entire point here? I think so. 

(you’re stupid)

*looks up all symptoms/signs of a nervous or mental breakdown*

OH MY GOD

I’VE BEEN EXPERIENCING ALL OF THESE FOR THE LONGEST FUCKING TIME

AND EVERYONE’S LIKE, OH, YOU’RE FINE, YOU JUST NEED TO MANAGE YOUR TIME BETTER

effing NO

NO ONE HAS EVER TAKEN ME TO GET HELP

I’VE SCREAMED ON THE FLOOR AND RIPPED MY HAIR OUT AND ASKED MY MOM TO KILL ME REPEATEDLY

AND NO ONE DID A FUCKING THING

NO ONE THOUGHT THERE WAS A PROBLEM WHEN I RAN MYSELF REPEATEDLY INTO DOORS DOWN THE HALLWAY FOR HOURS ON END

oh my god i hate people i hate everything i hate school i hate TALKING to people oh my god leave me alone

My dad came and asked Blair and I if we wanted to go out and get cell phones. He said we’d have to get a smartphone, which would require what I had been playing + a $30 data plan. I told him I didn’t have the money for that, especially since I’m saving up for fourth estate. He got really mad at me. 

I’m the only teenager that has to go through this, my god.

I sincerely hope that I go out and get lost and he has no way of finding me. 

There are also NO jobs in the area open now. I can’t get money. I’m trying to send letters out to my neighbors looking for work, but my social anxiety is getting the best of me.

I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to go out with friends, I don’t want a job, I just want to stay at home and sleep and never wake up.

My whole body aches and aches and aches. It’s hard to walk on my legs and I feel so weak. Every time I get up I lose my balance and I can’t support my own head and I fall over and everything starts going black. I’m just so tired and I want to go to bed. 

My debate was alright. It wasn’t great, but I did my constructive in perfect timing and my cross examination was okay, but my rebuttal was embarrassingly awful. 

I got a 2 out of 12 on my math quiz. I don’t think I’m going to pass Algebra 2 this year. That means I might get kicked out of Leadership. Shit…

Iria & I went to our french teacher’s room during lunch and just talked to her. It was really nice. She’s such a good friend to have.

I’m running in Color Me Rad tomorrow and I’m so excited! I hope I get lots of good photos.

this debate ACTUALLY makes me want to kill myself okay

You are so unbelievably stupid. You do it to be cute too, but it’s not. You get mad at me when I say something, but just try THINKING a little, please? I honestly don’t want to be associated with someone who plays dumb.